InsaneJournal

The Jolly Blonde Giant


Crazy, Sexy, Cool?

I think I'm starting to lose my mind. I don't mean to steal a line from Roxie Torcoletti, but I really do feel that way at this moment. She was a great woman to play anyway, so it's not really a bad thing sounding like her. She's the closest character I've ever played to how I am in real life, so it makes a certain kind of sense that I now find myself up the same shit creek. The gods must be having a jolly old time of it.

And all this is thanks to the beautiful little girls I gave birth to almost a year ago this month - Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip. In so many ways, they are just so much fun. I mean, watching them fight over a fuzzy purple purse, or take turns licking the dogs and being licked by them, or even trying to hang themselves with the string from the hood of my hoodie are all just truly delightful experiences you can't miss out on in life. It's true what they say, you know. Being a parent does change you. I feel smarter, sexier, and like I know the answer to the meaning of life. Then, of course, in the next instant I manage to trip on some spilled baby squash and land butt first on the kitchen floor, and I feel like I know the answer to absolutely nothing, which is much closer to the truth.

Then some nights, like tonight, these little angels (and no, not Victoria's Secret angels for those of you with dirty minds) won't stop screaming and banging on pots for no earthly reason. In the ceaseless noise and general mayhem, I begin to lose my mind. I want to join in with them, show my kid-like solidarity, and just let it all loose like that. But, I'm the Mommy. It's times like this where I feel like a failure as a mother because they've stopped listening to me already, and they can't even walk yet. I thought the troubles weren't supposed to begin for another year. But, I promise not to spend all my time on here blabbing about my girls. That's not sexy. You'll wind up thinking I should be in the has-been yellow pages instead of the loony bin when really I'm just in the mood to spice things up a bit. You know, rattle someone else's rattle. And, I can do VS angel pretty damn well still fyi.


Why Milk?


I know I'm about five minutes too late with this news, but for any of you who don't read People or US the second they hit the newsstands, I've just been released as the new Got Milk? face for the Great Gallon Give.

So, why do I like milk so much? My girls, who also appear with me in the ad love milk, and it has so many necessary nutrients that it's my top choice for them. Charlie is always so sweet. She'll take it in any form, but Dolly is a little diva-in-the-making. She's starting to prefer chocolate milk to anything else. She also made our photoshoot hell on earth by crying non-stop. I think the picture in that ad is the one and only one that she wasn't making a fuss in.

As the campaign claims, I'm Mother Nurture, apparently. If only Mother Nature was as nurturing lately. My heart goes out to the people of Haiti who've lost everything: loved ones, their homes, their friends and families. It seems so trivial to be promoting milk in light of other current events, but I did want to post about it nonetheless.


Scenes for Becca:


Storybook:

Rebecca believed that by now she should be a seasoned pro at this sort of thing. She had the outfits. She’d had the roles; she was the femme fatale for crying out loud. She’d even played the games with John Stamos, and their friends, at swinger parties in the past. But, that was in the past. She’d thought that part of her life had been safely tucked away in boxes hidden in a tiny corner of the attic.

She’d gone up there to get them down earlier in the day. It had been a trip to unpack them all. Three boxes filled with sex toys from her wilder days, and there it all sat still. Whip, spiked collars, chains, sharpened black stilettos, handcuffs, etc. She’d cleaned off all the equipment again with sanitizer. Safety was important to her in playing dangerously. But, not too safe.

That’s what had gotten her into her marriage to begin with. Jerry was a safe choice for a husband. He was a funny guy, a good father, a fellow actor. He understood the pressures of the business. He made a decent living, and they had the girls together. He’d come along at a time in her life when she’d wanted to settle down and raise a family before it was too late. Her maternal clock was ticking, and she certainly wasn’t getting any younger, but they really had nothing in common – in the bedroom or outside of it, aside from the twins.

She could see the writing on the wall long before Kim and Kate had pointed it out for her. She just hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself until now. Jerry just wasn’t enough for her. She was more than a mother. She was a woman. Life was too damn short not to get her kicks in while she was still young enough, and hot enough, to follow her urges in whatever direction they took her. After all, she’d always made it her motto never to be bored in life.

She had made up some excuse about needing to go into town for a Hollywood party and not wanting to leave the girls unattended, so that a nice, neighbor lady would take them in for the night. She wanted everything to be ready when Matt came over. Just thinking of him made her giddy like a twelve-year-old girl with a school crush. She already knew that he was an amazing kisser from their work together on Eastwick, and she couldn’t help feeling a bit weak in the knees remembering their many hours making out in front of the cameras. Sometimes, she had purposely blown a take just so they could re-shoot. Matt was just too well chiseled and fun…she let her thoughts trail off, giggling at herself.

Get a grip, Romijn. You’re a 36-year-old woman. Act your age! thought to herself before realizing it was a losing battle. Giddy with excitement, she kicked her feet in the air and danced around the living room with a glass of Chardonney in her hand. She put Keren Ann Nolita’s “L’onde amere” in her surround system, then headed upstairs to her costume room.

An entire room of her house was dedicated to costumes that she’d collected from photo shoots, movies, and vintage shops over the years. She couldn’t make do with just a closet. It had to be a full-length room. She spent more time up there than she cared to admit before settling on a slinky, black number imported from Japan. Checking her image in the mirror critically, she gave a nod of approval. A year and a month after giving birth, she’d finally shed all of her baby weight. She was still a jeans size up from where she’d been before, but she no longer looked like she’d just birthed twins, and she had the confidence to pull it off. She grabbed the whip and a thin, black silk robe and went back downstairs, lighting candles as she went from room to room. She was careful not to let her long, curly blonde tresses fall into the flames. In one last flourish, she turned the whirlpool on in the hot tub outside and then left the screen door open.

Pulling the robe around her to escape the slight chill from the screen door, she let it fall off her shoulders and sat down on the couch to anxiously await Matt’s arrival. When she heard the sound of his car lock, she jumped off the couch and ran to the door, whip in tow. He had barely had a chance to ring the bell when she threw open the door and grinned mischievously at him. “You’re certainly a sight for sore eyes,” she breathed, raising her eyebrows at him. She tapped him gently on the arm with her whip and stepped back from the door. “Don’t just stand there. Get in here! You know, this place used to be a brothel in the 1920s,” she offered as a good conversation starter. “Hey, what’d you bring?”


Thread: I've seen the light, and I've seen the flame

Who: Kate Hudson and Rebecca Romijn
When: Wednesday, Dec. 23rd, 2009
Where: Katie Exciting's house before hitting Rodeo Drive
What: Coffee and shopping


It was almost Christmas, so Rebecca was not ashamed to be blasting Sarah Brightman's album, A Winter Symphony, at top volume as she drove from her ranch in Calabasas to L.A. She didn't even notice the 20 minute drive into the city anymore, especially while singing along to Christmas carols the entire way. She was a huge fan of the opera singer. Sarah Brightman reminded her of the good ole days at Santa Cruz where she studied music and wanted to be a singer.

Having gotten that out of her system, she was in an exceptionally good mood when she pulled her car up the driveway to Kate Hudson's house. They had agreed to meet there before heading into town in order to help save the planet from excess gas fumes, and of course, to chat. The two things that Rebecca considered herself an expert at were talking and shopping. Her new best friend, Katie Exciting, seemed like an expert herself, and Rebecca was rearing to go. Despite it being early in the morning and not having had a cup of coffee yet, she was wide awake as she walked to the front door of the house and rang the bell.


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