|Adaptations (adaptations) wrote,|
@ 2008-09-24 05:17:00
|Entry tags:||pb, tom welling|
Examples for lincoln_myers This Romeo is Bleeding, But You Can't See His Blood (Bio)
001 + Can You Read My Mind +
Well, I guess it's official. After a week on this cruise, I can say with all certainty that I'm not in Kansas anymore. And what a week it was too. I have the most ridiculously amazing roommate in the world...one Mr. Connor Brekenridge. I can't stop laughing in his presence. Come one and all to Cabin 209 if you're in the mood for a party. The fun never stops over here.
Or maybe it does, occasionally. I met my biological mother by accident last week too. It wasn't a bad experience, but it was difficult. Intense is a better word. Emotionally draining, unbelievable, life-changing, are all better descriptions, I suppose. It was a milestone in my life, and I'm glad it happened. I guess prankster wastebasket fires can be a blessing in disguise, but if it had been up to me, I would've been able to meet her in plainclothes, and I could've sent that letter I'd been working on in my head for months. Hell, probably a year at least. As it was, I was caught off-guard and must have seemed like a bumbling idiot. I'm the kind of person who likes to be more prepared in big dramatic situations like this. I've learned from experience in the past that I don't do well in surprise personal situations. I think I managed to gain sufficient control over my emotions at the time to come across as normal, but my mind is still wrestling with that whole day and everything that happened.
003 + Happy Birthday To Me +
I'm officially a year older. Well, technically my birthday was on Friday but after a weekend of being twenty-eight, I can honestly say that I do feel older and hopefully a little wiser.
It's hard not to feel wiser after going through something as momentous as the hostage situation last month, which I would think propelled all of us affected by it into a lot of personal growth and development. I still have difficulty wrapping my mind around all the things I experienced during that period. I never could have imagined feeling so frightened or powerless as I did, or firing a gun at another human being. It's not something I was raised to do, although I have had some training in it. For as long as I can remember, I've always appreciated the people around me and done whatever was needed of me. I liked helping people, or even rescuing them if need be. It takes another understanding of the world to point a weapon at another human being, and I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of inflicting harm on someone else. I don't like to think I'm capable of it, but given the circumstances, I was.
At least I'm not alone here on the Freedom with these lofty thoughts. I've got Yvonne here with me, and she's always a source of reassurance and strength. She's quite a woman. But this is not where I expected this entry to go. This is what I get for blogging right before going to bed. Really, I had a fabulous birthday, and I feel like my twenty-eighth year will be the best one so far.
007 + [Blocked from Daniela Toriano] +
She's back. She's back. She's back. I keep sitting here in the cabin repeating those words. I apologize to Noah and Yvonne who have to put up with me moping around again. But she's back! What is she doing here again? I thought I scared her off. I thought I wouldn't have to feel like a leper every time I turn a corner, or hide my face in shame anymore. I thought I was done feeling like a lost puppy wanting affection every time she spits a word out at me. As much as I was shocked, disappointed even, when she left
me again, it was easier somehow. It was easier to forget the reason I was conceived, easier to focus on the good things in my life, easier to just exist, to live life without this horrible weight on my shoulders, without this horrible thing sitting on my chest like a huge elephant in the room. I just, I don't even know what I thought anymore, or what I feel. Everything sucks. It's confusing as hell. Hell, I'm the one whose confused as hell.
Everything was going good. Everything was going great even. But she's back now. She's back now, and she still hates me. She thinks I'm a pansy or a wretched excuse for a human being, or both. And, I still don't know how to be around her, how to handle the whole situation like an adult and not a child. With her, I am forever stuck in the past, forever stuck in youth and missed opportunities and things that could have been if circumstances were different. In another possible world, I am her son, and she is my mother, and that is the only thing that exists. In another world that's not this one. In a world that was lost forever twenty eight years ago. In this world, the real world, I have two real, loving parents who raised me and support me and love me, and then her. What is that? Who the hell is she? I just don't know. In this world, I am a child. I have no control. I'm powerless.
Scenes for Link
Writing Example 1, with dani_toriano
Writing Example 2, with tammi
This Romeo is Bleeding, But You Can't See His Blood (Bio)